So I was watching this episode of Oprah (I swear, it doesn't happen often, but it was on when I was flipping through the channels) and it was showing these kids going through this anger exercise.
All you do is say what makes you angry~like, not "Bad drivers make me angry!" but "I'm angry that..."
And it looked so awesome, because I don't express my anger. At all. It is a rare occasion when I get well and truly pissed and let it show. I tend to be fairly laid-back, but there are things that make me so angry, but I just never really knew how to express it constructively. I remember yelling and crying a lot when I was angry as a kid, and once I actually punched a girl I was friends with because she was being bossy, but that's it.
The last recent times I've allowed myself to be really angry and to let it out was years ago when I found out that my brother had a baby, like, a week before I was told. I was angry that I hadn't been told about the pregnancy, or even the birth until a week after. And I was angry with the mother, about the situation she had "gotten" my brother into, but reason kinda prevailed on that one, because it takes two, y'know? And I'm still a little angry that I haven't ever met my niece, who is now like, 5 or 6.
I was also angry about the situation my grandfather was in with my grandmother; the idea that she could take away so much of what he had worked for and lived for for so long, and not think twice about it.
But I'm angry about so many things, and I just keep them in and swallow them down and don't deal with them, and it's not healthy. So, here is a list of things that make me angry:
I'm angry that:
...I don't feel that I will accomplish my bigger dreams because I don't know where to start
...I can't get excited about finishing college
...I let people talk down to me
...I don't stick up for myself
...I use self-deprecating humor to protect myself even when I don't need to
...I don't have any motivation
...I can't find a job
...No matter how good I THINK I look, pictures don't lie
...I'm good at fooling myself that everything is ok
...I feel inadequate
...I'm not more responsible
...being sad makes me angry
...my neighbor is loud and obnoxious but we can't afford to move
...I can't share these thoughts with Zach
...these thoughts keep me from being the kind of person I know he deserves
...that I'm afraid to cry
...that I can't go back to age 10 and start over
...that I can't get published legitimatly
...that I'm a little good at everything, but not good at anything lucrative
...that I'm no longer young enough for this to be acceptable
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I understand what you mean. I show it when I am angry but it's never constructive ya know. I think you should be aware though that you are an incredibly brilliant woman and though it seems like we're not young enough to really start accomplishing stuff it's a huge lie. Shit takes time and it doesn't matter where we start or when we start. I deal with that too.I feel like I should already be established as something and someone. And because I am not I get frusterated and unmotivated but we just have to work through it I guess. In the big sceme of things we're still babies. Oh and you are HOT! So there!!!!
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