On faith and religion

It's funny yet sad that going to a Christian college was terrible for my faith. Ironic, I guess.

Over the last few years, I've kind of evolved in my faith. It's much more metaphorical to me now, I guess.

A few of my main personal beliefs kind of fly in the face of what they teach at CCU~I actually had a student there tell me I was going to hell because of what I believed.

Nothing like hearing that at a Christian college to make you question things.

It's the same with churches~I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never find a church family that believes the same things I do.

I don't believe that gay people are going to Hell. I don't believe that they are immoral, and I believe that they should have the same right to mariage that every straight person does.

I am also pro-choice. I don't believe that it's God's Will for an 11 year old to have to give birth to her step-father's baby. And it infuriates me to no end that the girl's mother one; did nothing to protect her child from that man, and two; expects her daughter to carry that baby to term.

I also believe that abortion is the right choice in situations other than rape. There is a family in Iowa that goes to Zach's parents' church out there~they are pregnant with a fetus that will die hours, if not minutes, after birth. There is very little brain developed, and actually no top of the skull. This fetus is basically just flesh, and will die without the mother to act as host.

This is something that was detected very early in the pregnancy. Early enough for a legal and safe abortion. I don't understand how bringing a life into the world that will know only pain before quickly dying is in any way the "Christian" thing to do.

I believe in a metaphorical Heaven and Hell. When we die, I belive that that's it. That is more comforting to me than the idea of my body rotting and my consciousness ascending or descending based on my behavior.

I believe that if we do good things while we are alive, we will have our peace and comfort from that, and THAT is our Heaven. Conversely, if you do horrible things and whatever, you won't have that inner peace, and you will live in your own Hell.

I do believe in God. I think the world and everything in it is a little too complex to have just been a happy accident. However, I belive that God made the conditions right for our development. I don't think He blinked us into existance. I believe in evolution, in the natural order of Time.

It goes along with the whole "Why do bad things happen to good people" vein, along with "Am I my brother's keeper?". Bad things happen because we are, essentially, our brothers' keepers. We have a duty to each other, family or not, to protect each other. God doesn't make bad things happen. God merely allows it.

And this is why I don't feel comfortable in church. It's strange though; old-school Catholic Mass is my favorite of all denominational services. The ritual, the sounds, the sights, the FEEL of it are just beautiful to me. Doctrine obviously isn't an issue, but I wouldn't go because I think praying to Mary would do any good.

And that's what I think a lot of organized religion is. Ritual that makes people feel closer to God. If I could find a church that concentrated more on silence and ritual than actual doctrine, I'd be happy. Until then, I am fine and dandy worshipping God in my own way in the privacy and solitude of my own mind. I don't NEED to go and be with other people to experience God. I can experience God on my own, in every minute that passes of every day that I still breathe.

So that's why some enterprising young theology student thought is was a good idea to warn me of my impending damnation. And all it really taught me was to keep my fool mouth shut.

Hmm...

So it's been a little while since I've posted here~nothing really on my mind, I guess. I love it like that, though.

I'm finishing this quarter on Monday, technically. I have my math final tomorrow, and a presentation due Monday evening for my Career Exploration Bullshit class (the formal title, don'tcha know).

I've been thinking about somethings lately~mainly about faith and whatnot, so that's coming soon~I don't want to post about it until I have a clear idea in my head of what to write.

I hate rough drafts, tweaking, and other nonsense like that. I'll write it, I'll spell/grammar check it, but I won't go and pick it all apart until it vaguely resembles what I meant to say originally.

I remember turning in a story for my Short Story/Creative Writing class at CBC~I got a "B" on it, I was outraged. Grammatically, it was good. The dialogue was intentionally choppy, there were no typos. However, I did not get a "B" for grammar and stuff like that.

I got a "B" for content. My prof~and remember, this was at CBC, so I should have seen it coming~thought the theme of my story was "morally reprehensible".

I was more proud of this story that possibly any other I've ever written. It was almost 40 pages~practically a novella. But because it featured extramarital sex, emotional infidelity, and loads of deception~all KEY to the plot, I got a "B".

I would have thought that a college-level class would have been a bit more open than that.

But yes, to my main point~I will not change my plot, my characters, my ideas, just because someone sees them as immoral.

And that, I think, will be a great lead-in for my blog on faith and religion in a few days.